The most effective form of the prevention of the conflict is removal of its reasons. This activity is shown at different levels.
On social level it is a question of revealing and removal of large economic, social and political factors, which disorganize a public and state life. Problems in economy, sharp rupture in level and quality of life of the big groups and levels of population, political disorder, a disorganization and a control system inefficiency – all it is a constant source of large and small, internal and external conflicts. Their prevention assumes consecutive realization of a social, economic, cultural policy in interests of all company, law and order and legitimacy strengthening, increase of spiritual culture of people. It is so-called the general prevention of any socially negative phenomena in company, including conflict situations. For its systematic realization it is necessary the thought over development strategy of the company, enjoying mass support of the population.
The essential significance in preventive work belongs to change valuable to population orientation in a direction of increase of respect for the person, enforcements of trust to it, struggle against violence, intolerance to another’s opinions. The tolerance, pluralism of opinions, publicity – rather new phenomena in our society, they were not got integrally into his mind. Persevering work on overcoming of the negative phenomena, avoiding of subcultures of violence, characteristic for many levels of population, on respect and protection of human rights, legitimate interests of the person is especially actual problem.
With the purposes of social preventions of conflicts it is necessary revealing and studying of the numerous conflicts arising in a public life that should be promoted by development conflict researches. Each conflict on work, in a life, leisure sphere arises for the concrete reasons and under certain conditions. This concrete usually reflects more shared problems and contradictions of this or that sphere of a life. Therefore the analysis and an explanation of objective causes occurrence of the most wide-spread cases and the subsequent generalization of the data can play the important role in definition of a circle of the social problems requiring the immediate decision – economic, political, social. Psychological researches give essential results for definition of an orientation of efforts of social institutes and power structures.
In the psychological, individual plan removal of the reasons of the conflict closely related with effect on motivation of participants also assumes promotion of counter motives, which would block initial aggressive intents of the quarreling participant.
The deep and competent analysis of an essence of conflict situations and motives of behavior of subjects at early stages while disagreements have not outgrown in violence, would help to avoid many oversights in work of law-enforcement agencies. As it is known from practice of the developed countries, the prevention of household violence begins with the control over the situations characterized by long conflicts. Differently, the prevention of criminal conflicts requires allocation in work of law-enforcement agencies of special functions.
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The term “consensus” was included into a scientific turnover. Many researchers consider it as an optimum method of the solving of all conflicts – from family to international. Various consensual procedures and mechanisms are actively discussed. However, accurate submission about that phenomenon on which achievement they are directed is present not always.
In the literature a word “consensus” is used at least in three meanings: legal, political and sociological.
Political scientists discriminate a consensus in “narrow” meaning – as a method of the political solving of various disputes and conflicts, and in “wide” general-political, which differently is called as the civil consent. “The wide” political understanding of a consensus closely adjoins to sociological from which item the consensus is the consent of the significant majority of people of any community, rather most prominent aspects of its social order, expressed in actions. Among lawyers the term consensus usually use experts in the field of international law, considering it as a method of development and acceptance of international legal certificates.
Modern dictionaries advance a consensus as a consensus on matters in dispute, opinion which adhere all or the majority, a consensus, especially in opinions, unanimity, the consent, especially in opinions, hence common opinion, a consensus, prevailing opinion. As we see, understanding is inconsistent enough. From here and various interpretation of this term in the special literature.
Summing up the various points of view, it is possible to allocate two basic principles of a consensus:
- Support of the decision by the majority (it is better qualified), participating in its acceptance;
- Absence of objections against decision-making from outside at least one of participants.
The consensus is not unanimity because here is not required complete coincidence of views of all participants of process of decision-making. The consensus assumes absence only direct objections and quite supposes a neutral position (abstain from vote) and even separates clauses to the decision (it is final if they do not undermine a basis of the reached agreement). At the same time the consensus is not the majority decision as it is incompatible with a negative position at least of one of participants.
The offered understanding of a consensus is applicable not only to interstate relations. It is convenient for using and at the analysis of internal processes. And always, so far as concerns a consensus as a development and decision-making method (political, legislative, judicial),
is admissible the direct analogy to international legal treatment.
The consensus as a decision-making method first of all is subdivided on legal (when consensual methods and procedures are provided by normative acts and generate certain legal effects) and not legal (informal methods of the conflict resolution). The legal consensus can be obligatory (if it is admissible only consensual decision) and facultative (if along with consensual is supposed also other method of making of the decision).
Informal procedures are diverse (circular table, negotiations, intermediary, etc.), often they precede acceptance of legally significant decision (not necessarily consensual).
The offered typology should not be absolutized. In the certain research or practical purposes can be useful and other classifications.
Try to find consensus into solving of your family problems and enjoy your family life!
It is almost impossible to escape the cases when you have to face the how to get your ex back situation. The biggest problem here is that people think too strong about how to get your ex back, instead of putting this whole situation in another way. It is not about how to get your ex back, really. This is about how to make it exciting again.
As well as the conflict prevention in a family, it’s solving lies in a plane of psychology of relations. Conflict removal should begin with finding-out and comprehension of the reason and possible consequences of collision. Knowing characters of one another and members of the family, the spouse should show respect to each participant of the conflict, and also tolerance to that item or the point of view, which the opponent adheres. For the resolution of conflict is important normal atmosphere in a family. It is impossible to oblige the person to understand the other; to look at collision from his side, but only goodwill and will of each clashing can promote normalization of relations. So far as concerns the conflict to children, it is necessary the individual approach, special attention to only the formed person.
In a family it is possible to consider as normalization of relations: achievement of mutual reconciliation and the consent; the compromise, i.e. the consent on the basis of mutual concessions, but at preservation of the principal items, sights, relations; a victory of one side over another with all consequences following from here.
The permanent conflicts, which have turned to constants, lead to family disruption. The ending of disagreements and collisions is divorce. According to psychologists, it is preceded by the process consisting of several stages: 1) the emotional divorce expressed in alienation, indifference of spouses to each other, trust and love loss; 2) the physical divorce leading to separation of spouses; 3) the legal divorce requiring legal registration of the ending of marriage.
Though it is possible to consider divorce as radical means of the solving of conflict in a family, nevertheless it has the negative consequences. They are various for different subjects – for getting divorced, for children, for society. It is most vulnerable at divorce is the woman, who usually has children. She more than the man, is subject to psychological frustration. The divorced woman still has non-realized reproductive function. Negative effects of divorce for children do not go to any comparison with consequences for subjects. The child loses one (sometimes favorite) parent, is brought up by one parent, because in many cases mother interferes with father to meet children. The child often feels jeers of contemporaries concerning absence of one of parents that affects his psychological condition. His health, progress at school worsens that leads to complication of relations with that parent with whom he lives as a result. Divorce of spouses leads to that the society receives a broken family, the number of teenagers with deviating behavior increases, the criminality grows. All it creates for society and the state additional difficulties.
Divorce as means of an exit from the family conflict up to the end does not decide all problems. Collisions between the former spouses are possible and after divorcing, in particular concerning property, the alimony etc.
In conclusion, it is necessary to notice that in an arsenal of legal means practically there are no radical measures, capable to solve family conflicts. All is in the power of people, their abilities to find common language, to avoid undesirable incidents.
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During a life the person executes some roles: the family man, the worker, the citizen etc. These roles are shown in collectives of people where he enters. His aspiration to contact to other people is extremely great. People are consolidated in collectives on the different bases: mutual feelings, a common cause, and certain interests. In each of such collectives there are certain relations between their members. In cases when these relations glitch, there are the conflicts having concrete features.
Speaking about peculiar features of family conflicts, first of all it is necessary to notice that they mention area of human feelings and intimate relations. In such cases the circulation behind the moral help to friends and girlfriends not always yields positive result. Reasonable, constructive advice is useful, because it is directed on normalization of relations, but the item of the friend (girlfriend) expressed in advice: do not concede, disagree, – you can only strengthen confrontation of spouses.
End of the conflict and restoration of peace does not mean that a collision in a family is finished. And it is also a feature of the family conflict. The put insults, quarrels keep a trace in a soul of spouses, by degrees increase the crack that has arisen between the husband and the wife, between parents and children. Being accumulated, they become a detonator, capable to blow up in a family. It is good, if the person does not remember harm. And if line of his/her character is rancor, from it will not rescue neither morals, nor the law or other person. With this feature of family conflicts it is necessary to be considered, for it is impossible to apply compulsion to clashing spouses.
Considering that regulators of relations in a family are norms of morals and the law, let’s notice that their requests not always coincide Therefore their efficiency in settling of family conflicts is rather low. To take at least a case when the family has legally broken up, and actually continues to live under one roof. Not all and not at once can make exchange of the house, and now, in the conditions of the housing accommodation market, it for the majority of people is almost impossible. Embittered by unsuccessful home life and impossibility to get rid from each other fast, the divorced spouses continue to quarrel. At household level all looks not how is provided in rules of law and morals. The serious family disagreements outgrowing century constant conflicts come to an end with family disruption, which, as a rule, is made out by divorce. Much divorce brings disposal of animosities, hostility, a deceit and all that saddened a life. There are very many unfortunate, unsuccessful marriages, and this trouble is more terrible than divorces. People doom themselves to existence in semi successful or unsuccessful families. In one case they are guided by a call of duty, in other are afraid of changes or loneliness, in the third are afraid to repeat an error – but it is all from area of feelings and emotions. Much more important reason constraining spouses from decisive steps are children who suffer immeasurably more than their divorced parents. If there is possibility to find the happiness with other partner in life, children do not choose further parents. Their cracked mentality connected with absence of one of parents, and causticities of contemporaries harden sneers of growing up young men and girls, do them aggressive, unaccommodating that influences relations in families, which they will create in due course. Thus, the family reproduces conflictness, which is not so much hereditary, but acquired.
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The person is an imperfect being. In it simultaneously gets on good and bad, merits and demerits, boldness and care, softness and severity, honesty and dishonor. Behavior, mood, emotions of the person are changeable and also depend from his physical and mental state.
Daily entering into many contacts in shops, transport, on work and so on, the person feels mental, emotional and physical overloads. They affect mood, behavior and cause a long condition of depression, the person feels a dissatisfaction, dissonance, the internal contradiction between reason and feelings, i.e. endures the internal conflict the exit from which depends on his efforts and abilities.
Private life has paramount significance for the person. At achievement of a social maturity the man and the woman voluntary create the matrimony and a family. However marriage and family relations are regulated by the right to which human feelings are not subject.
The interpersonal relations, arising on the threshold of formation of a family, can glitch, because bodies of the State registration can be misled or incorrectly informed. To exclude similar undesirable situations, the bodies of a registry office registering marriage, require the instructions in the application on absence of impediments to marriage, on availability of previous marriage and children. Therefore earlier married people should represent the certificate of annulment of marriage or the death certificate of the spouse. People, who are getting married, are obliged to present the documents, which are proving one’s identity (the passport, the certificate, the identity card etc.), and also to give a subscription that they know about a state of health of one another.
Different kinds of conflicts at various stages of formation of a family are outside of legal regulation. No rule of law can oblige the person to be sustained, quiet, compliant, and attentive. It depends on the person, his ability to control yourself, to concede and make a compromise. It is not inherent abilities; they are reached as a result of persistent work of the person over himself and, of course, education.
The family life is not limited to emotions and feelings. It is that base on which exist a family and relations between its members.
The general questions of home life, spouses should decide in common, by a mutual consent, and anybody from them cannot have any advantages. However “should” doesn’t mean yet that all it is realized in an ordinary life. As an example we will refer to the option of a surname of spouses. When you are getting married, it is possible not to change surnames, it is possible to make the general surname of one of spouses, and it is possible to connect through a dash both surnames. Absence of the consent at a choice of a family surname, disagreement with arguments one another leads to the conflict between spouses.
Impossibility independently to decide dispute forces spouses to resort to the help of the third person – a concrete state structure. If spouses come to the common decision and eliminate the arisen dispute, the offended spouse still has feeling of disappointment and a dissatisfaction, which sleeps for the time being that then again to splash out at the next conflict.
The family life is connected not only with personal relations of spouses, parents and children, relatives, but also with property relations. And those and other relations can lead to conflicts in a family. Love each other and appreciate your feelings.
It is almost impossible to escape the cases when you face the how to get your ex back situation. The biggest problem here is that people think too seriously about how to get your ex back, instead of putting this whole situation in another way. This is not about how to get your ex back, really. It is about how to make it interesting again.
Frictions, half-words, dissonances are characteristic not only for a young family, but also for a family with the experience. Any family, whether it is harmonious or unsuccessful has difficulties. They make lives of spouses worse, but not necessarily cause feeling of a proof dissatisfaction with marriage. For example, the husband can smoke in a room, without thinking about presence of the non-smoking wife, small children either elderly parents, or culinary abilities of the wife are not very good, but these circumstances, causing certain discomfort, do not lead to sharp disagreements. It is worse when spouses have a serious feeling of disappointment with home life. This feeling, having appeared, accrues day by day and leads to long-term dissonance in a family. If spouses do not show aspiration to its removal, the dissonance leads to the termination of family relations.
Creating own family, young people leave from under guardianship of parents and begin an independent life, without being prepared to it. Parents have not accustomed them to independence, have not explained them that it is necessary to get on with the partner, to concede, be reconciled with defects of character of one another, to be attentive and careful.
Summing up told above, this reason of conflicts in a family could be designated as impreparation to family life. It is most often shown in the beginning of home life and quite often leads to divorce. In the first year of a life of a family the probability of divorce is great and constitutes to 30 % from total number of marriages.
The disharmony of their intimate relations arising at loss of feeling of love, inclination to each other, health loss as a consequence of smoking, abusing alcohol, ignorance of psychohygiene of marriage, as, however, and other sides of home life can be the conflict reason between spouses.
Thus, the first group of the reasons of conflicts is connected with spouses, with their characters, not preparation to the marriage, not adjusted sexual life.
To the second group it is possible to refer the reasons of family conflicts in which are involved children, representatives of the senior generation etc.
Loving man and the woman, being consolidated in a family, aspire to a continuation of the family and bringing up of children. However this noble idea of matrimony has the negative consequences, which also generate conflicts. With occurrence in a family of the child load on care of it lays down, as a rule, on the wife. She does not work and all forces gives to the child and the house. At first the husband helps, but then his help becomes ever less whether owing to unwillingness and laziness, whether owing to inability and impreparation to fulfillment of the fatherly responsibility: the father does not wish to stand up once again at night to the crying child, to descend on dairy kitchen behind a children’s food, to wash diapers, to go with the child on walk. Wife has too many responsibilities, and to the physical is added also moral weariness, irritability. Between spouses there are friction, reproaches. In such situation the conflict is inevitable.
Hence, overwork of the wife, her monotonous life, especially in the first year after occurrence of the child, furthermore absence of assistants on the house – one of main causes of family conflicts between spouses. To avoid this try to speak to each other more, help each other and understand your second half.
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Is it possible to revive relations? It depends only on both of you. If people really love each other and are ready to draw conclusions from the parting they can live again together long and happily. Probably, after the endured crisis of their relation only become stronger. But to hurry up in this business it is not necessary. To begin with it is necessary to learn to live separately and to solve problems not for the account of each other, and without involving of your ex. Also it is necessary to discuss easy the reasons of conflicts and possible variants of their decision further. To look at relations and the partner other sight, to start to appreciate really him and to respect his freedom – here the main conclusions, which should be made in an interval between the first and second certificate of a comedy under the name «Joint life».
There is an opinion that good, a good fellowship with the ex lover or the husband – a unique fair variant of friendship between the man and the woman. In this situation already nobody waits from another for passion, sex, wedding, and obligations. The mutual past life gives the base to the present and future life. Where the love disappears after you have ceased to live and sleep together? Anywhere. Love minus Sex = Friendship. Now you could have a drink coffee once in a month, to complain of the chief and to receive a compliment.
It seems that it is possible so, without ceremony, to throw out here some years of your life, and all your stories with other men to consider as draught copies of novels which never will be issued
Sometimes you think that it is possible to have warm relations with your ex and have only sex with him. «To sleep or not to sleep with your ex?» it is a question, which heroines of a serial «Sex in a city» discuss for long hours. However that who does not aspire to transform the life in soap (let even qualitative) opera, it is absolutely clear: if it would be desirable, it is possible to sleep, it would not be desirable – it is possible not to sleep. The main rule – not to say lies neither to you, nor him. Recognizing that fair sex is not a way to achieve any other purposes.
But what will be in future? And whether he will think, that he won, that he is the best and women are ready to forgive him everything? If such thoughts climb in a head, means, you want from him much more, than simply sex. All of you are still offended, ready to strike back and consider that fight has not ended. In this case, it is not necessary to enter with him any relations because they can appear painful. Though masochists, certainly, these to what will estimate not leading meetings and the unpleasant deposit remaining after them. Sex and flirtation with ex are possible only in the event that them to perceive exclusively as a pleasant leisure.
Are you looking for as answer to the “how to get your ex back” question? Please visit the web site of this ex back system that has helped many people to get out of the how to get your ex back drama.
Remember, that a situation with how to get your ex back question is not the end of everything. You just need to know where exactly to find the answer and what to do about it.
That fact that you dream to get back or hate the ex-husband, speaks about you more than about him. Still any half a century ago such concept as the ex-boyfriend simply did not exist. Girls had admirers of the period before marriage life and the husband. Now the life became much more interesting – and it is more difficult.
From love to hatred is one step only. And when he has offended you, has betrayed, has offended, you have made immediately this step – have departed aside, from him far away, have run up hill and down dale and now and do not wish to hear about his biography. But everything is more difficult; ex is impossible to send into exile on the Moon, and the joint past – to erase the button delete. Very many reminds you about him. Places in which you walked, cafe in which sat. Even things much more prosaic – for example, his favorite ice cream or juice – force your heart, let and absolutely imperceptibly for associates to miss a bit and be compressed. After all he still causes in you strong feeling. It is unimportant, as it is called, – love or hatred. It is unimportant that you wish to make with this person, – to kill or love. You are not indifferent to him.
To endure divorce or parting with the loved one, time is required. The emotions not lived and not experienced by us, not recognized pain and insult heavy cargo remain in us. To go with them on a life it is unpleasant. Moreover, not expressed aggression in relation to your ex can be shown in the most improper situations – in conversations with the most different extraneous people.
So it is useful to try to give vent to this aggression. For example, you should sit down and write some angry letters (to send them to him is not necessarily) or to read in emptiness of a room a verdict of guilty. You could cry half-nights, considering photos. To recollect everything that was in relations good and bad, and to cry second half of night. You could send fifty spiteful messages. In general you should do unpleasant, but necessary work. But then you, most likely, will feel… Simplification. Become quieter and more indifferent.
And only after that you could think again if you want to get him back or not. Almost all friends are assured that you have perfectly coped with a problem: yes, it was difficult, yes, you have quarreled, yes, have dispersed, but now you have other life. However at night to you dreams that you again together, and among the working day you catch yourselves on thought on that, accidentally to meet your ex. Nevertheless you never will dial his number. To initiate a meeting, as it seems to you, is wrong. However, if really it would be desirable to call, forgive, embrace, start over again to meet or live together, it is necessary to take the first step. But only it is necessary to be assured that after a word “greetings” you do not fall to a speech for the prosecution.
Wish you good luck!
It is almost impossible to dodge the cases when you have to face the how to get your ex back situation. The biggest mistake here is that people think too strong about how to get your ex back, instead of putting this whole story in another way. It is not about how to get your ex back, really. This is about how to make it interesting again.
To get your ex back you should know some behavior key rules in the conflict.
· The first is the fair, unbiased relation to the initiator of the conflict. Any conflict appears because that in steam, group there is a person, something dissatisfied, he/she is the initiator of the conflict. He acts with the requirement or the claim, insults and waits, as will listen to him and what will change. It is necessary to remember, that the conflict has not gone on «a wrong way», it is necessary fairly, and the main thing patiently to concern the initiator. You shouldn’t condemn at once, but attentively and benevolently to listen to him.
· The second rule is to reveal a subject of the conflict and not to expand it. The subject is understood as the discontent reason. The wife speaks to the husband, I do not want, that you smoked in a room, and in general, be accurate, always you rumple clothes, and you spoil it with ashes. She has expanded a conflict subject, having added that the husband became such sloven. So, we specify a subject of the conflict and we reduce number of claims in once.
· The third rule, the positive formulation of a positive situation. It forces to weigh mentally the initiator all pro and contra, having calculated possible consequences, and most to think for accused about the best outcome of the conflict. For example, in a room where the husband reads or writes, the wife has switched on the tape recorder. The husband asks her to switch off music, but at the same time is not clear, whether music disturbs to him or it is simple his whim. At a choice of correct tactics of behavior will be so: whether «If I simply make music more silently if it will disturb you?»
· The forth rule, emotional endurance, or tone of conversation. Therefore, the greatest possible quiet, equal tone, accuracy and reasonableness of arguments.
· The fifth rule is most important, avoid conflicts persons mentioning self-respect. Conflicts on trifles, unfortunately, often flash in transport where the unintentional push develops into insults or a careless word on work or houses. So, the unintentional offender the man, in the opinion of the woman can personify all masculine gender (rough and selfish). Or the woman, unintentionally wounding self-esteem of the man, personifies all women, who only exist to annoy men.
We wish you as less as possible conflicts even if they and have happened, from them to leave wise and correct. Concern to people how you would like that they concerned to you. The right behavior during your conflict with your partner will help you to avoid break up and to get your beloved person back!
Do you need as answer to the “how to get your ex back” question? Please visit the website of this ex back system that has helped many people to get out of the how to get your ex back problems.
Remember, that a situation with how to get your ex back question is not the end of everything. You simply need to know how and where to find the answer and what to do about it.
It is impossible to live with husband or wife without scandals at all. And sometimes you really don’t know the right way to solve your problems at family life and you afraid to loose your partner. Don’t be afraid, it is possible to get your ex back if you know some simple rules how to behave during conflict. Your partner will be surprised with visible changes of your behavior and will respect you more than before!
The behavior rule in the conflict concerns the emotional party of conducting dispute. Quite often clashing partners in a condition truly to define a conflict subject, it is fair to concern the right of the initiator, to state the requirements, to plan conflict outcomes, but all tone of conversation time brings to nothing these achievements. As a rule, conflicting parties at the moment of the conflict test intensity of an emotional condition. Their statements are categorical and exacting.
Quite often initiator of the conflict begins “approach” in the raised tones, without choosing expressions. Sometimes, at relations of familiarity, on work roughness of the reference to each other becomes norm. And if men transfer vulgar expressions they simply offend the woman is easier. It is more than that, such error of the initiator allows the partner to leave in general from dispute by the most fair way: «I do not take out rudeness and shout, you will cool down, then, maybe, we will talk, and maybe not!»
Therefore the indispensable condition of dispute, collision is as much as possible quiet tone of statements, accuracy and reasonableness of words. It is necessary to speak so that in a voice and words there was no even a hint on annoyance, anger, reproach, not there were insults to the partner, say, under the form dispute should be «business conversation of businessmen».
There is certain selectivity in an establishment of relations. Persons with good self-checking, self-control easily, depending on a situation, pass from one distance to another. But there are also such persons, who aspire to reduce in every possible way a distance in relations that, ostensibly, grants them the right “in a familiar way” to behave in official conditions. In these cases the distance can be increased unilaterally, having passed to “you” in any conditions. The distance increases also at the expense of leaving from conversations by any personal themes. Certainly, the reference form with respect is comprehensible in business, official relations and it will look pretentious and even ridiculous in personal, family relations.
In any case you shouldn’t forget that mutual love and respect would help you to get through all problems and to make your relations better and stronger. Wish you good luck into your family life! Be patient and honest with yourself and your partner!
It is almost impossible to dodge the cases when you face the how to get your ex back situation. The biggest mistake here is that people think too much about how to get your ex back, instead of putting this whole story in another way. This is not about how to get your ex back, really. This is about how to make it interesting again.
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